Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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