the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
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