can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
