Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
