Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
