I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Enjoy the penises
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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