Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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