I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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