I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize