I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
