dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
