I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
