well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize