Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
