i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
