So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Success! We fucked roommates!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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