fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
