i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
