tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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