No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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