You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
