i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
