I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Dear god my vagina.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
