i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
