Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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