My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
