So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Sorry about my life...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
