sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
