Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
As shirtless as possible
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
