Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
