just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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