I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
