OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
