my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Send help, water and tortillas.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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