I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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