your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
