I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
