This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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