Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
