Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I am available for nakedness
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
