so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
