I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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