I must be too annoying 4 u.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
