the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
