he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
