Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize