Ketchup is God's man juice
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I am one with the molecules
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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