you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
