the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
