i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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