I'm gonna have a badass scar
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
MIDGETS
????
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
