Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize