you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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