My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
