Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
