4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
