Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
