Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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