He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Congratulations! We have a period
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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