Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
