also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
