I just threw up on my dentist
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
