last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
