You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
