There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
