it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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