I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
