At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
