Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
people are starting to question the shark bite story
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
